I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize