Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it hurts more in the daytime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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