You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize