i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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