I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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