get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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