Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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