I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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