Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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