where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
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I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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