Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
