but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
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You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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