I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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