I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize