He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
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I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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