I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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