If i come over, it means nothing
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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