his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
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You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I deserve this hangover.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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