Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize