Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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