The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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