There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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