i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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