I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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