You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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