TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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