Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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