I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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