i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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