I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
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How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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