Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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