I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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