my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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