I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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