I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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