2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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