We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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