Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i drank out of a bidet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize