Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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