Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize