11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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