Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize