Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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