I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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