I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize