He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize