Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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