Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
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she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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