I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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