i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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