She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
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Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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