I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize