Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
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In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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